Secrets

You would think that, having started this account, that my first thought would be, "What shall I write about?" Instead, it was "What had I better not write about?"

I hate secrets. I'm a very open person (no, really) and my first impluse in conversation is to talk about whatever is on my mind. It's usually only after I've spoken for two or three sentences or so that I think, "Is it really a good idea for me to be discussing this with this person?" or "Gee, (blank) told me I shouldn't mention this to anyone quite yet..." and I immediately have to do disaster recovery.

Over the years, I've tended to close up a lot, because it was the safest way to avoid those little slip-ups. The problem is, that this turns around and bites me by making me a little stand-offish to the people I know who care and who I can safely relax around.

One of my biggest challenges in my marriage has been to not shut out my loving wife. Intellectually, I know that I can trust her with anything. She has proved that to me time and time again. However, because she is everything to me, I am at my most vulnerable to her. The instinct to protect myself from that, while unnecessary and often hurtful to her, is hard to override. I think I have improved in this area since we've been together, but I know I still have a way to go.

I don't need to have any secrets from Rain. One day, I may learn that there aren't that many secrets I need to have from anybody.