mikailborg: I can't even remember what event I was attending, but I must have been taking it seriously. (rabbiteer)
[personal profile] mikailborg
Ready for more LHC humor? (Beats the uninformed paranoia, right?)

Evolutionary Acceleration Research Institute Ready to Start “Squirrel Smasher”

Dallas, TX – Scientists from the Evolutionary Acceleration Research Institute (EARI) announced that the first test of the Giant Animal Smasher (GAS) will begin on December 19, 2008, the 41st anniversary of the premiere of Dr. Dolittle.

Dr. Thomas Malwin, head of the research project, said, "The first test runs will only accelerate microscopic life-forms like bacteria and viruses to high speeds, but theoretically the GAS can handle animals as large as squirrels, hence the 'squirrel smasher' moniker."

Biologists from around the globe hope the GAS will unlock the secrets of the so-called "Darwin particle" that could unlock the secrets to life.

"If we discover the Darwin particle we could possibly create new life-forms, or accelerate evolution to unimaginable levels," said Malwin.

The GAS is a 25 mile tube buried ten feet below the surface, and accelerates the animals at rates up to 6,000 meters per second using a series of pulleys, levers and fusion reactors.


Think of the possible discoveries, not only in the field of evolutionary biology, but also those of children's book illustration, furry fandom, and perplexing Far Eastern toy manufacture!

Yes, this is humor. No, no one is actually advocating doing this. Oy.
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mikailborg: I can't even remember what event I was attending, but I must have been taking it seriously. (Default)
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